i'm not sure if there is a god anymore,
But i am certain there's a devil
And he knows my name.



your picture is still on my wall
the colors are bright as ever
the red is strong, the blue is true
some things last a long time

your picture is still on my wall
I think about you often
I can't forget all the things we did
some things last a long time

it's funny but it's true
and it's true but it's not funny
time comes and goes
all the while I still think of you
some things last a long time...

some things last a life time

True love will find you in the end You'll find out just who was your friend
Don't be sad, I know you will, But dont give up until True love will find you in the end
This is a promise with a catch Only if you're looking can it find you
Cause true love is searching too But how can it recognize you
Unless you step out into the light?
Don't be sad i know you will
But dont give up until
True love finds you in the end.

 

In this place that I call home
My brain's a cliff and my heart's a bitter buffalo

i might get a buffalo on my chest, over my heart.
just because i love the lyric and the meaning.

It is either this or some sort of radiohead/sigur ros art.
i wish i could get a tattoo of something less music related,
but when have i ever made a decision and stuck with it anyway.


 

 

I've kept my mind clear of her the best i can.
i am trying to forget all about her lips because they're not mine anymore.
i am trying to forget the love i had for her and how the way her face made me feel so warm.
but when i go to bed she is fucking there to wake me up
i want to sleep, but my god damn mind is too restless to allow it.
and every dream i have i am running after her and she just keeps running away, never looking back once.
when i finally fall back asleep i dream of kissing you.
and i seriously can't handle it anymore.
my dad does not understand that i can't stay in this house because its one big memory of her.


i have been thinking about it all and i guess i was wrong,
maybe love isn't in the heart like i've thought.
maybe you were right and it is in the mind.
but i can grasp that, something in me refuses to believe that.
i really hope no one i know has to ever feel this pain that i feel.
i hope no one will ever come to the conclusion i have;
that love doesn't exist.



"To give life you must take life,
and as our grief falls flat and hollow
upon the billion-blooded sea
I pass upon serious inward-breaking shoals rimmed
with white-legged, white-bellied rotting creatures
lengthily dead and rioting against surrounding scenes.
Dear child, I only did to you what the sparrow
did to you; I am old when it is fashionable to be
young; I cry when it is fashionable to laugh.
I hated you when it would have taken less courage
to love. "

-bukowski-

 

the days are getting longer and the nights are taking a much bigger toll than i suspected .
i get arrested and the only person other than my father who cared to help me i treated like shit.
i am trying to accept everything that is happening around me but i can no longer grasp reality.
i feel like i lost myself and only time will tell if i go crazy inside of my own mind.
a friend told me that i am just meant to be depressed, and if history decides to repeat itself this summer is going to be dangerous.

i've lost myself, i've lost the ability to fall asleep content, i've lost the only person that made me feel like tom malley.

but i will stand here will my head low
and look up and smile when need be
but i am truly a broken man
and it is only right that i feel this way.


"Those who boast so mightily of the scientificality of their metaphysics should receive no answer; it is enough to pluck at the bundle which, with a certain degree of embarrassment, they keep concealed behind their back; if one succeeds in opening it, the products of that scientificality come to light, attended by their blushes: a dear little Lord God, a nice little immortality, perhaps a certain quantity of spiritualism, and in any event a whole tangled heap of 'wretched poor sinner' and Pharisee arrogance."
-Nietzsche-

I am 18
so why the fuck am i still on livejournal
grow up tom, get away from this
all this http does piss me off

so
simply fuck it.